When In-Laws Become Co-Grandparents: Helping Grandparents and Grandchildren Flourish
Read along with Linda Eyre as she shares how grandparents and grandchildren thrive when in-laws become cherished co-grandparents.
Linda Eyre shares heartfelt guidance for today’s grandmothers, reflecting on the sometimes delicate—but deeply rewarding—relationships that form when children marry and their in-laws step into the role of co-grandparents. With warmth and wisdom, she shows how embracing these new family connections can strengthen bonds not just between in-laws, but also between grandparents and grandchildren.
In-Laws Having Their Say
Let me move on to a fun thing that has bonded all our in-laws who all came from different gene pools, backgrounds, and viewpoints. Not only were they different, but we Eyres were a little different too! After a few reunions with our whole big group, Jonah’s wife, Aja, came up with a great idea: a group just for the in-laws of Eyrealm. This organization meets in the hot tub one evening at every reunion. I think they spend most of their time talking about how to deal with the crazy idiosyncrasies of the Eyre Family, with whom they are inextricably connected! 🙂
Aja was immediately elected the president, so she explains the process here:
I was the first daughter-in-law to join Eyrealm. Shortly after I married into the great Eyre clan, my brothers-in-law and I decided to start our own “club” to counterbalance the other family clubs like Mothers and Future Mothers of Eyrealm and Fathers and Future Fathers of Eyrealm. So we called our club PILE, which stands for Present In-Laws of Eyrealm. We would excuse ourselves for PILE “meetings” one evening of the reunion and then just go relax and get food and talk. It was great fun.
As more members “joined” PILE, we did take our meetings a little more seriously and were able to use it as a time to vent, to advise, and to commend each other. But we stayed true to our original purpose of giving us all time to relax and de-stress.
As a result of our club and the discussions and memories I have had with my in-laws, I really love the other PILE members like they are siblings. We share very similar issues since we are all married into the same family and to similar personalities. The PILE get-togethers are a highlight of family reunions for me.
There was a period of time when Richard and I were speaking often on cruise ships. We told the directors that we didn’t want to be paid—we just wanted to take some kids with us for free. We took our sons on one cruise, our daughters on another one, and our daughters-in-law on another one. On the latter, we learned so much about our sons that we didn’t know! Our daughters-in-law were great sports and had a great time bonding in their own cozy little room. Although not all of them could arrange to go on these trips, we loved having those who could. We are still working on a trip with the in-law sons; their schedules are harder. Someday, we’ll make that happen!
Embracing Co-Grandparents
Maybe all you readers won’t feel the same, but we adore all the parents of the children that our children have married! Before the babies came, they were just good friends, but as those babies began to drop in, we have realized that their best title is co-grandparents. After all, we will be joining with them for weddings, baby blessings, baptisms, and reunions for the rest of our lives, and the thing that we will always have in common is our grandchildren.
None of our co-grandparents live near us. They live in Idaho, Arizona, California, Switzerland, and Texas, and two couples have lived in London and Brazil for extended periods of time. We always send all of them our annual Thanksgiving cards, and when we are anywhere near them, we try to meet them for a meal. They have all had fascinating lives, and we love them for the amazing children they have raised. We have different backgrounds and personalities, but we adore them all!
Richard likes to write our co-grandparents a personal note once in a while just because we miss them.
It’s a fun relationship that’s a little more than a friendship because we share that precious commodity called our grandchildren!
We have made certain that our daughters- and sons-in-law know that we admire, respect, and are inspired by their parents!
Most of our grandchildren don’t live near their other grandparents. But a couple of them do, and I must admit that we are a little envious when we see our grandchildren bonding with those grandparents all year long. It has made me realize that they may be a bit envious of us when we have those kids for an extended time in the summer. Everyone is accepting of the other’s circumstances (at least, as far as we know).
For us, the best part of having those great co-grandparents is that they share their extraordinary gifts and knowledge of things that are unique to them with our co-grandchildren! Those are things that go beyond what we could ever teach them. And we love them for sharing their time, their love, and their genes!
Thoughts?
- There are many situations with co-grandparents like estrangement, different lifestyles, and even death. What are the ways you have reconciled those issues?
- What is your relationship with the parents of your children-in-law? (We haven’t experienced a divorce [. . . yet . . . crossing fingers], but of course, that would make co-grandparent relationships much more complicated.)
- How do you feel about the time you are able to spend with your co-grandparents and the time that your grandchildren are with them?
- How do you keep in touch with them?
Unlock Your Grandparenting Powers with Linda Eyre
Grandmothering
Excerpt from Grandmothering by Linda Eyre.