The Heart Behind “Trying”: A Journey Through Infertility and Family Building

Discover the heart behind Alessa Martin and Liz Swenson’s Trying, a supportive guide through infertility and family building.

The road to parenthood is often paved with unspoken challenges and quiet endurance. In this behind-the-scenes look at the upcoming book Trying, authors Alessa Martin and Liz Swenson share the deeply personal origin story of their collaboration. What began as a conversation between two friends—one an artist who had navigated six years of infertility, and the other an author looking to be a better support system—evolved into a mission to destigmatize the emotional toll of the journey. Below, Alessa and Liz share the heart behind their project and their commitment to supporting those in the midst of the fight.

Liz & Alessa

When meeting my friend Alessa’s sweet new baby for the first time, we inevitably began chatting about my first book, You Got This, Mama!, that I had gifted her at her baby shower. As an artist herself, she loved the format of accessible information and beautiful design.

During our conversation she looked over at me, clarity in her eyes, and said, “I want you to write a prequel.” I asked if she meant a pregnancy book of some kind.

“No,” she said, “a book about infertility.”

I immediately got chills, was overcome with emotion, and said, “This is your story to tell, not mine.”

My friend Alessa, whose baby I was holding in my arms, had suffered silently with infertility for six years. For six years she endured loss, grief, and hope-crushing disappointment, alone.

When she began to share her story with me, I felt so awful I wasn’t there for her.

I knew immediately that this book needed to exist, to give someone like her a companion, to give someone like me the language and tools to truly be supportive.

I also knew I wanted to hear more stories. I wanted the reader to feel they were not alone. I wanted to destigmatize, normalize, and legitimize all of the emotions that come with fertility struggles and loss.

I wanted to be a good friend.

We decided to do it together, to write and design side by side the book we both needed.

Over the course of this project as I conducted my many interviews, I have been struck by the bravery, the resilience, and the transformation that has taken place within these individuals and families. Each interview has left me awed, inspired, and incredibly grateful to be creating this book.

As I have written, I have faced my own insecurities, my own discomfort that led me to dismiss my own pain and struggles with family building and to not ask Alessa if she was okay or needed help. It has been a really special project to work on. All of my books are written with a “best friend” tone and to create a book with one of my best friends has truly been healing for both of us.

Destigmatize. Normalize. Legitimize.

About This Process

Shhh! No talking.

Somewhere along the line, society said that we’re not supposed to talk about infertility and the challenges of family building. Someone decided that we shouldn’t make other people uncomfortable by sharing our discomfort.

In the silence our isolation grows.

Great expectations.

Along the way, that same bossy someone also said there’s only one path to build a family.

They make you feel shame and self-blame because that path isn’t open for you.

They don’t get to decide your story.

• You are not alone.
• This is not your fault.
• You have permission and the explicit approval to feel, to grieve, to want, and to make the decisions that are right for you and your family.

About This book

It’s important.

While researching for this book, we spoke with a world-renowned fertility clinic to request a list of emotional support resources they give to patients beginning their assistive reproductive journeys.

They suggested we check Facebook.

That answer isn’t good enough. You deserve better.

• You deserve to have your pain, loss, and grief recognized.
• You deserve to have an open, honest, and shame-free conversation about infertility and family building challenges with an empathetic audience.
• You deserve an easy-to-use, thoroughly researched resource to help you work through the feelings you are experiencing.

This is not a “how to get pregnant” book.

We’re not doctors or health experts. You won’t read anything about how to diagnose infertility or how to treat it medically. Nor will we share fertility protocols, diets, supplements, or old wives’ tales that allegedly worked for your coworker’s cousin’s friend.

We’ve experienced challenges during our family building journeys and we’re sharing advice on how to empower you to build your emotional resilience amidst a very challenging fight.

Get the Support You Need on Your Journey Right Now

^{Excerpt from Trying by Alessa Martin and Liz Swenson.}