A Foster Care Guide to the Holidays: 12 Days of Tips

Bring joy and connection to the holidays with 12 tips for your foster care family, designed to make the season warm and special!

Foster parenting is both a rewarding and a challenging job, a lifestyle of continuous learning and new experiences. From The Little Book of Foster Care Wisdom by Dr. John DeGarmo, the country’s leading foster care expert, you can find tips for every day of the holiday to support you as you, in turn, support your foster children.

December 20: Tip #1

As you answer the many questions about your foster child and about foster parenting from your friends and family members, remember what is confidential. There are some things about your foster child that need to remain private. Never say anything that might embarrass your foster child, and do not reveal information that is intended to remain confidential. Instead, take these questions as an opportunity for you to bring better awareness about foster care and how others can help children in need.

The truth is, a fire in my heart has been lit to help children in foster care.

—SUSAN MCCONNELL

December 21: Tip #2

Your foster child may wish strongly to see his birth family and biological parents during the holidays. Despite all the abuse and trauma that he might have experienced from them, his desire to see them during this time is quite normal. Talk to your child’s caseworker about arranging opportunities for your foster child to visit his birth family during the holiday season. Make time for this and don’t let your own busy schedule get in the way of your foster child spending time with his family during the holidays.

What’s the point of being alive if you don’t at least try to do something remarkable?

—ANONYMOUS

December 22: Tip #3

If visits are not possible between your foster child and her birth family during the holiday season, try to set up phone conversations instead. As always, you will need to monitor the phone conversation for her safety. You can do this by simply placing the phone on speaker during your foster child’s conversation with her family and attending to other tasks in the room.

You can do anything, but not everything.

—ANONYMOUS

December 23: Tip #4

You might want to consider having your foster child’s siblings or birth parents come to your house for a holiday meal. This does not need to take place on the specific holiday. Instead, you can plan and organize a party or meal somewhere around the holiday time. If this is not possible, consider gathering at a local restaurant or park. This will both show the birth parents that you are considerate of their feelings during this time and show your foster child that he does not have to choose between you and his family.

Instead of growing in my belly, they grew in my heart.

—ANONYMOUS

December 24: Tip #5

There is sure to be some anxiety from your foster child about her birth parents and siblings during the holiday time if she is unable to visit or speak with them. She might even feel some guilt, as she is living in a comfortable, warm, and caring home while others in her family may be living in poor and unsafe conditions—or may even be homeless. Reassure her that her feelings are normal.

You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.

—MARGARET THATCHER

December 25: Tip #6

Don’t forget that traditions matter. Tell your foster child about how your family celebrates the holiday and include him in these traditions. Ask him about some of the traditions that his family had and try to include some of them into your own home during the holiday. Not only will this help him to feel more comfortable and part of your family, but it will also help to reassure him that he is important, as are his family and traditions.

Our children need us to be with them. Not just on Christmas day, but all through the year.

—JOHN DEGARMO

December 26: Tip #7

Your foster child may be worried and concerned that her birth family are not getting gifts during the holiday season. One way you can help your foster child is by allowing her to purchase gifts for her family during the holiday season. You can also help her make gifts and presents, as handmade crafts can be wonderful gifts as well. Help her design and create her own Christmas and holiday cards, as well.

And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.

—1 CORINTHIANS 13:13

December 27: Tip #8

If your foster child should send cards and gifts to his biological parents and birth family during the holiday season, make sure that your return address is not on the envelope or package. This will help to protect your own family. Instead, ask your caseworker if you can use the address of their agency as a return address on the envelope or package.

It is part of our role as a foster parent to bring a sense of self-worth back to our foster child.

—JOHN DEGARMO

December 28: Tip #9

Don’t ignore religious practices. Your foster child may have different religious beliefs than your family. Take time to learn about these different beliefs and practices, and if you feel comfortable, try to include some of them into your own family traditions during the holiday season—or in general.

Parenthood requires love, not DNA.

—ANONYMOUS

December 29: Tip #10

Holidays are about family. If you have been a foster parent for some time, chances are that you have had a number of children come and live in your home and become part of your family. During the holiday season, pick up the phone and call those foster children that used to live with you. Send a gift card, invite them over for a meal, or give them a wrapped gift; show them, in some way, that they are still part of your family. The holidays can be a very difficult time for those who have aged out of the foster care system.

Some people just need you to care about them.

—ANONYMOUS

December 30: Tip # 11

Show your love! Your foster child needs your love. Don’t be afraid to tell her that you love her each day. Don’t be afraid to give her a hug each day. Tell her how important she is and that you are happy she has joined your family. Find a way to make her feel special each day.

Today is the day that a child needs love.

—JOHN DEGARMO

December 31: Tip #12

The world has not changed from you being a foster parent. What has changed is the world for the child you are caring for; you have changed your foster child’s world. Your love has made a tremendous difference in his life. Years later, he will look back and remember that he was loved by you. Your love has planted a seed in him that will forever change him and blossom into something beautiful. Always remember this.

Love your family. Spend time, be kind, and serve one another. Make no room for regrets.

—ANONYMOUS

Discover More Foster Care Tips from Dr. John DeGarmo

^{Excerpt from The Little Book of Foster Care Wisdom by Dr. John DeGarmo.}