39 Times Dad Advice Nailed It (Wisdom So Good It Had to be Tweeted)

Discover dad advice so good it broke the character limit—39 tweet-sized truths that prove fatherhood is funny, messy, and oddly wise.

Being a dad doesn’t come with a manual—but sometimes, it comes with a really good tweet. Wisdom for Dad is a collection of hilarious, heartfelt, and brutally honest dad advice straight from Dude to Dad the internet’s funniest fathers. This article rounds up 39 of the best gems from the book—quick, tweet-sized bits of wisdom that prove parenting is equal parts chaos, comedy, and character-building (mostly theirs, sometimes yours).

Wisdom by Dads for Dads

The idea that I would write a book called Wisdom for Dad must be among the most unlikely—and hilarious—occurrences in literary history. This is like Einstein writing an Idiot’s Guide to anything or Mrs. Dude writing a best-selling cookbook.

Yet, the dictionary defines wisdom as, “knowledge gained by having many experiences in life.” And experiences I have in abundance.

I’ve been poked in the eye by an infant and seen my fair share of baby nuggets. I’ve had puke in my ears and been kneed in the groin more times than I can count.

In the wisdom I’ve gained through mistakes and missteps, I hope you find shortcuts to being the dad you hope to be. Or, at the very least, I hope you enjoy the read and pass it on to the next dude that needs it.

1.

The way you were raised may have been successful, but so were covered wagons and horse-drawn carriages. Update accordingly.

2.

You have no idea what your patience or tolerance is until you have a child, and then you learn it QUICKLY.

—@andrashewitt

3.

The most important words in a dad’s vocabulary: “I was wrong.” There is power and possibility in humility and vulnerability.

4.

Your kids will always prefer presence over presents.

5.

Despite what pop culture may tell us about doofus dads, you’re perfectly capable of parenting. Don’t reinforce the stereotype.

6.

I’m not sure who said, “Don’t cry over spilled milk,” but they clearly didn’t see it happen six times in the same meal. Cry.

7.

It’s a beautiful day when you finally realize your kids are your teacher, not the other way around.

—@joebart

8.

The Beatles said, “All you need is love.” I beg to differ. Every parent I know could also use some sleep and a bit of alone time.

9.

Imagine the worst thing a child could possibly do to you. Multiply it by ten. Expect it to happen each and every week.

10.

Adults make poor decisions all the time. Don’t hold your kids to a higher standard than yourself.

—@andytraub

11.

It seems that every family has a crazy aunt or uncle to provide a frame of reference for how good your parenting actually is.

12.

You’re never truly ready to be a dad—you simply run out of time to prepare. So when that baby arrives, be in it to win it!

13.

Before you were a parent, you were a partner. Neglecting either is bad for the other.

14.

This thing we call life is highly improbable and extremely delicate. Don’t take the life you created for granted.

15.

Babies pick up on feelings of stress in the household. This only makes parenthood even more stressful. So, CHILL OUT.

16.

I suggest finding a dad that’s a stage ahead, a dude that’s a stage behind, and a dad in the same place. Triangulate for wisdom.

17.

You can try to fight the urge, but you will inevitably attempt to show pictures of your child to every human on earth.

18.

The mother of your child? I haven’t met her. But even I know that all she really wants is to be heard. So, LISTEN TO HER.

19.

Naming your kid after a loved one is fine, but don’t forget that Cornelius and Gertrude are still hefty names for six-year-olds.

20.

Becoming a dad can be like a reset button in life. Use it as an opportunity to change your own life for the better.

21.

Find yourself a dude wingman. He’ll remind you what it was like before kids and help you realize that you can’t go back.

25.

Kids will pick up your best traits and your worst habits. Always watch your words and actions.

—@BriAINews

26.

Everything changed the moment you became a dad. It’s neither good nor bad. It just is.

27.

The moment you realize you’ll never fully catch up can either be demoralizing or liberating, but at least you get to choose.

28.

Remember the joys and heartbreaks of your childhood? Get ready to go through them all over again with your kids (only worse!).

29.

The best-laid schemes of mice and men often go awry—because kids are basically real-life gremlins. Never feed ‘em after midnight.

30.

You really don’t need to smell it to know that it STINKS.

31.

Faith, family, work. Keep things in that order and you’ll be an amazing dad (and husband, employee, etc.).

—@PaulTenHaken

32.

Sometimes your baby poops more, mid-diaper change. That’s called double doodie. Get it?

33.

You wouldn’t be a dad without them. They wouldn’t be alive without you. Try to remember that you’re in this together.

34.

There will be a moment—it will come earlier than you expect—when you’ll want to feed your kid to a wolverine. DON’T DO IT.

35.

Never punish kids out of anger. Always sleep on it, pray about it, and make sure your spouse agrees with you before acting.

—@clixable

36.

I’m going to go out on a limb and recommend buying your own “World’s Greatest Dad” mug. You’re going to need the encouragement.

37.

Find a way to give Mrs. Dude some time off. You need the time alone with your kid. She needs time ALONE.

38.

Speak calmly. The more often you raise your voice, the less impact it has. Save it for when it matters most.

—@clixable

39.

There’s no room for division between Mom and Dad. Discuss and disagree in private, but always support each other’s decisions.

Discover More Dad Advice in 140 Characters or Less

^{Excerpt from Wisdom for Dad by Hugh Weber.}