Every little girl sang that song on the playground, but our younger generations are turning the rhyme on its ear, having children before marriage with our fellas, getting remarried, renewing vows, any number of various reason. Unfortunately, this leads to an interesting predicament: How do you let them help?

 

1.      The Colors     Age safe for 2+

Pick the colors you want for the wedding, but let them pick the shade. Or pick two combinations you like, and let them pick which one is better. For example, my 5 year old nephew likes purple better than pink, so my sister’s wedding colors are blue, green, and purple.

 

2.      The Decorations        Age safe for 2+

Helping with these can vary from picking between two options, to choosing out of a line-up, to actually helping create the things if you’re going for a more DIY wedding. It really comes down to whatever you and your child prefer.

 

3.      The Food        Age safe for 5+

Who doesn’t love to eat? Let them pick one or two of the items that will be served. Plus, this has the awesome fringe benefit of you knowing there will be something there they’ll eat besides cake.

 

4.      The Cake: Part 1       Age safe for 5+

When I say “the cake,” I mean the flavor. Take them on a tasting, or if that’s not your style, make cupcakes with them to help you choose the flavor.

 

5.      The Cake: Part 2       Age safe for 7+

For the slightly older children, let them help pick the cake topper. Can’t decide between a silly “woman dragging a man off the side” or elegant, intertwined hearts? Let them make the final call.

 

6.      The Flowers   Age safe for 7+

Choosing between gardenias and lilies, lavender or baby’s breath can get stressful. Pick the main flower for your arrangement and let them choose what should go with it. Even better: if your child has to carry flowers, let them choose what they get to carry. The rest of the wedding party can carry like they do.

 

In the end, any either/or decision can be a great way to let your child help and relieve stress from you in the planning stages. It really depends on your child. A little girl may hate everything girly while a little boy may be the best at helping choose dresses because he wants you to look beautiful. A 4 year old may be more mature than a 7 year old. It’s your wedding day and your child; the decisions are yours.

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Christy Monson, a retired family therapist, provides in simple language concrete examples and clear language to family success through family councils.   While families are diverse and the...
The Family Council Guidebook

Christy Monson